Self Discipline

Lately I have been thinking a lot about self discipline, self discipline in regards to money, diet, exercise, and sleep schedule, among other things. Why is it that sometimes it can be so difficult to keep yourself disciplined? We stay up late when we should be getting rest, go out to eat instead of taking time to cook, skip the gym in order to sleep in, spend instead of save. We've all been guilty of it, some more than others, and yes, I'm taking some blame here too.

Our culture in America reinforces the sentiment, "I want it and I want it now." This mindset is a globally-spreading virus. The internet brings all of our desires within reach, fast food restaurants fill our ever-expanding bellies in a matter of minutes, credit cards allow us to buy now with money we don't even have. We gorge ourselves on incessant instant gratification.

Perhaps this is why self discipline can be so difficult. Why wake up now when you can hit snooze a dozen times? Why work for 30 minutes on a healthy, delicious meal when you can belly-up to the trough, um, I mean, buffet? Why scrimp and save and work a second job for that shiny status symbol when you can simply whip out the plastic, enslaving yourself to debt? And why on Earth would you go to the gym several days a week in order to lose weight when you can just go have someone stick a hose in your fat and suck it out of your body? Don't worry, it's normal. It's the American way... right?

I look around and see a bunch of overgrown toddlers throwing temper tantrums when they don't get their way, expecting everyone else to do the work for them, wanting everything to simply be handed to them without having to work for it. Our country is full of spoiled rotten children.

We all went to school with that kid (hell, maybe you were that kid) whose parents bought them a brand new *insert favorite sports car here* as soon as they turned 16. Little Miss Priss or Mr Hot Stuff tore around town in that car they didn't have to work for and what happened? They wrecked it of course (as is the fate of nearly all first cars) and of course mommy and daddy replaced the mangled scrap metal with a shiny new toy immediately, so as not to upset their "poor baby." Well I don't know about you, but in my personal experience, when I wrecked my first $400 clunker I was hitchin a ride until I got a second clunker about a year later.

I understand that parents want to give their children all the things they didn't have but when you simply hand it all over, what message does that send? Answer: You can have anything you want without having to work for it. All that does is set the child up for failure. The "real world" isn't like that at all... or is it?

I'm not trying to be holier-than-thou or say that I don't partake in any of the instant gratifications offered by our society. And sure, I'm guilty of not always having self-discipline, just like everyone else. What I am saying is that we need to take a look in the mirror from time to time. We need to exercise our self discipline and independence instead of simply accepting the fact that we're allowing ourselves (and our country) to become slaves to debt, dependent on others for everything and unappreciative of what we have because we didn't have to work for it.

So as a new year approaches, I ask you, are you going to spend this year exercising your self discipline? Are you willing to put in the hard work to make yourself independent and self-sufficient? Will you deny yourself some of the instant gratifications in order to revel in the pride of having achieved a goal? Whether your goal is related to health, money, career, religion, politics, whatever, you must be willing to have self discipline. If it all seems too overwhelming or too large, start small. Start by not hitting snooze, not eating that chocolate, not buying that toy you really can't afford. Control yourself. After all, you're not a child.

Harnessing My Energy

In certain aspects of my life it feels like I've got my shit together... but in other ways I feel like I'm a hot mess.

How do I have my shit together?
-I've got a good job
-Making money
-Great friends
-Healthy diet
-Good spirituality

How am I a hot mess?
-Men... not enough space here
-Need to get back into a workout routine
-Neglecting my music and art and writing
-House is a mess

Aaaaaand I'm up writing a blog post at 1:35 am. I'm not even really sure what I want to write about tonight. I always try to stay optimistic and positive but I'm tempted to vent tonight...

I work in a music store and I haven't even worked on my own music in months. I haven't painted anything in months. Why am I so uninspired? Is it laziness? Lack of time? Stress?

Maybe I expect too much out of myself. I have this crazy wild spirit that's so full of energy and that energy just pours out and sometimes it's hard to know where to direct it. It's like the churning, swirling rapids of a river rushing to the ocean, no longer wanting to be confined by the land around it, hurtling, tumbling forward, constantly in motion.

Lately I've been directing that energy towards work and tutoring Spanish but I'm the kind of person that can't just pour all my energy into one thing, I have to have all these different outlets. I mean, seriously! Here are things I do: sing, write songs, act (though unfortunately not in years), paint (I need to take an art class), model (and I use that term loosely... you could be a part-time model! if you get that reference, you rock.), yoga, own a dog, travel to different countries, speak Spanish, tutor Spanish, attempt to play guitar, piano or ukulele (though I need to effing practice!), go on dates, meditate, weekly girls' night with the bff, manage like a boss, dance Salsa (wish I could take dance lessons)....

Damn, I'm exhausted just reading that list. No wonder I'm a hot mess. I do so many effing things. Why? Jack of all trades, master of none. Why can't I just focus my energies onto a couple things and get really good at just one or two things? Why do I feel the need to do it all? Hell! I want to get into photography too! And take cooking classes! And read books! And volunteer for non-profits! And get a Bottle Bill passed into the Kansas legislature! And shop for amazing thrift store finds! And become a yoga instructor!

How do I find time for all these things? You can't, can you? But I want to. Why do I want to? It's crazy. I talk about how it would be nice to be in a relationship but honestly if I got a boyfriend the guy would probably only get to see me once a week.

I don't always know which way to turn but I'll just keep trying to find my way to the ocean. One of these days things will calm down but I can always sleep when I'm dead. Might as well enjoy all there is to enjoy in life while I can.