Today would have been my brother's 28th birthday. He didn't even get to celebrate his 5th birthday. And it was right around this time 23 years ago that my mother disappeared. I've been very aware of these anniversaries all week. Then today my dad said he wouldn't be joining my sister and I at our godparents' house for Thanksgiving lunch. I told him how much this upset me, that Loralie and I are his family and he should be with us, especially today. He said he didn't feel comfortable going and said he'd explain things to me when I got back into town.
I got back around 6pm and dad decided he'd take me to McDonald's for a smoothie while we talked things over. Everything came out. Everything. Everything on my end that is. I was a blubbering mess while my dad sat there silently as usual. I know that he tries to open up emotionally for me, and he did a little but it's just not part of my dad's character to talk in depth about emotions (which at times frustrates me to no end). But it's who he is, and when you love someone you have to learn to accept all the good as well as the bad.
It can be hard to accept our parents sometimes. When we're kids we imagine them to be unstoppable superheroes and it can be quite unsettling when flaws begin to become apparent. My dad is a good man. He's flawed, yes, but who isn't? We're all damaged in our own way. Everyone is doing the best that they can, if they could do better, they would.
Even though I wish I'd gotten more of a response out of my dad, I'm still happy with how the conversation went. I'm happy it happened at all. I can't always expect him to respond, but at least he listens. At least I have him. It was difficult growing up and experiencing all the losses that I did, but at least I still have him.
This Thanksgiving I'm so very thankful for my family. None of them are perfect, but they're mine and I love them. Every day we have in this life is a gift, all we can do is make the most of each moment.
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