Awkwardness

Sometimes I feel so darn awkward. Webster defines "awkward" as lacking ease or grace, a lack of skill or expertness, causing embarrassment.

HAHAHA! Yes. That can most definitely be me. I embarrass myself at work often when I do/sing/say something crazy, forgetting that there are a lot of people in the store who don't know me and my anecdotes (though I think my coworkers are more embarrassed by my silliness than I am).

So when am I most awkward? Around men. In particular, men I like. Then again, who isn't awkward when they're around someone they like (at least to some degree)? There is currently one man that makes me nervously awkward at times. After all, nice, cute, smart guys are rare like unicorns and people aren't used to seeing unicorns up close, they only hear about them in stories. I bet most people would be awkward around unicorns at first. "Wow. Am I tripping on something? Is there really a unicorn in front of me? Sh-should I pet it? Is it okay to ride it? Dude, I can't stop staring, it's a friggin UNICORN! HOLY CRAP!" ... but I digress. Hopefully he isn't too aware of my awkwardness, though if he's reading this he is now at least. haha "Hi! I'm awkward!" Is it awkward that I'm talking about this on my blog? Sure. So why not write about it for everyone to see? It's less awkward if it's talked about, right? ......Right?

Awkward. Lacking ease, grace or expertness. I am slightly awkward when it comes to dating/seeing/talking to/whatever you want to call the first phase of "getting to know someone you like." Why? Lack of expertness mostly. I haven't been in a committed relationship in about 2 years. I haven't been on this bike in a while. Plus, the last two relationships I had were spent mostly apart since they were in the Army (dating guys in the Army was my first mistake lol). So it's been even longer since I've been in a "normal" relationship. Ya know, the kind where someone says, "I like you," then you go on dates, get to know each other by spending time together, finding out each others' likes/dislikes/beliefs/values/hopes/plans/dreams/all the stuff that makes you you and them them, taking things slow, doing things the right way, building a healthy foundation.

Yeah, been a while since I've done that. I lack expertness. I'm just hoping my awkwardness is an endearing quirk and not a bothersome discomfort. Meh. I am who I am. I over-think things (which lends to my awkwardness too). I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm hopping back on the bike, trying not to wobble as I find my balance and find my footing. Bear with me as I make wide turns and fumble with the gears and my bike helmet slips down over my eyes, I'll get the hang of it, embrace my awkwardness and will slowly move along with more ease, grace and expertness.