I'm totally fine with being single. I actually really enjoy being single. It's fun going on dates occasionally, flirting, having only myself to worry about. But there are days, or sometimes just moments, when I find myself thinking how nice it would be to have someone.
Blah. I just need to get a dog. I have way too much stuff going on in my life right now anyway. I don't need or want a relationship right now. I just want a cuddle buddy. And that's impossible with men. Men can't just cuddle. Nope. Dogs can. Dogs cuddle up and fall asleep on the bed. They don't even expect you to rub their belly all night. They just want to be close to you and they won't complain about having to warm your cold feet, they do it gladly. They don't cause drama, put you down or cheat on you. Dogs aren't just man's best friend, dogs are a single woman's best friend. Therefore, I need a dog.
I don't need a boyfriend, just a dog. We can do fun things together, go for runs, play ball, take walks in the park, cuddle up and watch a movie, whatever I want to do. :) Sounds perfect. So with my 25th birthday approaching, a great gift idea for any of my friends would be money to buy me a lap dog. I need a cuddle puppy.
Your dog will also have days it does not want to cuddle. It will never learn how to use the microwave, let alone so much as grab some leftovers from the fridge if it's desperately hungry. It will be dependent on you for that every single time.
ReplyDeleteIt will never surprise you with an omelet and fresh coffee in the morning. But sometimes you will wake up to find applejuice stains on the floor. Those had better be applejuice stains.
Yes, you can go for walks and runs with your dog. If you don't mind stopping every time it thinks "man, i really have to pee on this. Let me pee on this. Stop tugging my collar, I'm trying to pee on this." Don't forget your poop shovel and grocery bag.
Depending on your dog's breed, it may try to intimidate everyone that comes to your door. Or it will instantly forget about you the moment your friends arrive.
Your dog will never be a fulfilling scapegoat.
Hair. Everywhere. And slobber. Dog slobber. You do know that whole thing about dogs' mouths being cleaner than a human's is one big, fat lie, right?
And it would suck if Mr. Right came along and he was allergic to dogs.
But on all your other accounts, I suppose I agree. Be well, sister.