Tuesday, December 7, 2010

I am a Contradiction

I love trees and birds. According to my counselor, trees symbolize stability and birds symbolize freedom. So I crave both??? A part of me wants stability, yes. I want a 9-5 job that pays well, I want to live in the same house for more than a year, I want a stable, healthy relationship with a man. The other part of me wants to just hit the road and tear off my rear-view mirror, live the life of a vagabond, float from place to place, go everywhere, see everything.

Right now I feel as though neither of these is an option. And that makes me depressed. I've been stuck living in purgatory for so long. I'm in no man's land. My social skills feel like they've flown out the window along with my decision making abilities.

I have to move out of the house I'm living in. My roommate is hostile and verbally abusive. I'm scared to have another roommate after Lizzie and this one. Two crazy roommates one after the other. Hell. So what are my options?
-Put my stuff in storage and float around from couch to couch
-Move in with a new roommate
-Get a place of my own
-Join the Air Force?

I don't know. Sometimes I just wish someone would tell me which direction to turn in. I can't make this decision right now.

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